Dress Use #61 – Halloween Decoration – GhostThe more time I spend with this dress the more things I think it can be used for. You all have been great making suggestions too. My list is a work in process so if there is something you would like to see me try with the dress let me know. Happy Halloween.
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Dress Use #64: BibI sell boxes. I have been selling boxes for over 13 years. As a young boy I dreamed of being either an FBI agent, a firefighter, or a box salesman. The first 2 options ultimately seemed a bit drab for me which is why I have been busy peddling paper and plastic products for the last number of years. Why do I do it? Perks and adrenaline. What do others do when they want a large box for their kids to play in? . . . they have to buy an appliance. I just bring a big box home. And bubble wrap and tape . . . I get all the samples I want. I’m everybody’s buddy at moving time. And I can’t really explain the rush I get when I get a massive order for plastic bags or TP or staples. There is nothing like it in this world (except maybe leaf blowing or cleaning baseboards). As exciting as selling boxes is the truth is that this project I started with my ex-wife’s wedding dress has been fun for me. I have never done anything like this before so the entire experience has been fascinating. I remember a long time ago I got an e-mail from a woman who told me that she came across my website by googling “coffee filter.” I was shocked. I don’t have the time to pay too much attention to it but Google Analytics can tell me everything about the visitors to my site: what city, state, country they reside in, how much time they spent on my blog, you name it. I can even see what people were searching for when they found my blog. I decided to take a moment to check out some of the search words that were used by people who found my website. Some of them are pretty amusing and these are some of my favorites. These are actual google searches that brought people to my website. I don’t think I could make some of this stuff up if I tried. I share my wife with my brotherCan I dress my fishHow to get a guy to wear a wedding dressMy ex stole my clothesMy wife caught me wearing her wedding dressFly fishing weddingMy wife dress me like a womanHow to get a guy to wear a wedding dressUses for beer to get over my ex-wifeHusband wears wife’s clothes and forced to do household choresWomen forcing husbands to dress as femalesKorean WashclothAfter I strained some Sponge-Bob mac ‘n cheese a while back I used the wedding dress as my bib when I ate it. My ex-wife’s wedding dress makes a fine bib.
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New Dress Use: Cycle CoverThis wedding dress application was suggested by many but for whatever reason I didn’t start using my ex-wife’s wedding dress for this purpose until recently. I have been taking to the road on a two-wheeler since college and have had the same ride for 17 years. It isn’t the most practical way to travel between work and moving kids around so most of the time it just sits in my garage collecting dust. But I do really enjoy letting loose once in a while and cruising around on open roads on the fringe of town where I live. There are two types of riders – those who wear helmets and tough guys like me. I prefer to feel the wind in my hair. A wedding dress makes an excellent cover so if you happen to be a biker and have a one handy I suggest trying it out.
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What to do with the dress – Use #1: FootrestA little while after my ex moved out I was at my parents house having dinner. I was spending a lot of time with my family trying to avoid quiet nights at home. My kids were being shuffled back and forth and when I had them I was very busy but when they weren’t with me I didn’t know exactly what to do in my home alone. In the 10 years that I lived in my home I was very rarely alone. It’s ironic that when you have young kids you think you want time alone – no noise in the house. But when they aren’t there you really miss the commotion. It can be eerily quiet. So anyways, I was having dinner with my folks and my brother and sister-in-law and I told them about my predicament. My wife had left our home and at her final exit took a stand and refused to take her wedding dress. I have a large walk-in-closet in my bedroom and my clothes occupied one small wall. Once her stuff had been cleared out the closet was virtually empty. From the outside looking in the only item that could be seen was the Bridal Keepsake box holding her dress and it was perfectly centered on the main shelf. She left it for me to deal with. I asked her to take it and she refused, telling me to do what I wanted with it. “What should I do with it?” I asked at the dinner table that night. My brother was quick to point out that it would be handy for wiping a specific part of my body. A few more suggestions were thrown out before my sister-in-law suggested there were 101 uses for the dress. The wheels in my head began turning and that is how this all began. What could a newly single guy going it alone for the first time in forever use this dress for? I had no idea how many practical applications a wedding dress has.
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One Year BloggiversaryIt was a year ago today that my buddy Greg told me my I-Web blog sucked in the back of his warehouse near downtown Tucson. He thought the content was good but knowing a bit more about the workings of the internet than I do he told me I needed to step it up and helped me set up this WordPress blog. Since I launched my blog last year my ex-wife’s wedding dress has been used for more than 120 different applications. Some are very practical and quite a few are outrageous. I originally set out to document 101 uses for the dress but in the process wrote a book that will be published later this year. Between the book and the website the dress has done more than I ever imagined and I actually have quite a few applications still to come. This dress truly is amazing. I’m going to throw up some of my favorite uses to date that have been shared on my website . . . the first one being the preservation box footrest before I really knew what to do with the dress. I really love the Darth Vader scarecrow. How do you top a Darth Vader wedding dress scarecrow? It can’t be done. I’m proud to have tied a fly with only wedding dress material and actually caught fish with it. Golf towel, yoga mat, and superhero cape also rank high on my list. Thanks to all who have kept up with my journey. I really appreciate it.
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What is a Ring Worth?I still have my wedding ring sitting in a drawer in my kitchen. It’s gold but I’m under the impression that it’s not worth very much even though gold is worth something like $1300/ounce these days. I haven’t put any thought into to what to do with it but I got an e-mail recently that has me thinking . . . This guy ended up with his ex-wife’s ring after their divorce. I applaud his creativity and I think he got a really good deal. I have to think that was some tasty grub he enjoyed after making a trade. He chose to remain anonymous but shared with me his unusual way of getting rid of his ex’s ring: “I was really hungry 1 nite, so I traded my ex-wife’s $1500 wedding ring for a Family Bucket of KFC. I was so pleased with myself that nite….the young girl at the KFC counter eagerly took my offer. You may think I got ripped off, but I insisted on the FAMILY Bucket Meal….not only did I get 15 pieces of Extra Crispy Chicken, …I got Coleslaw, Potato Salad, Gravy, …AND a box of French Fries. I think I made an excellent trade. (Advising me if I want to try to make a chicken trade for my ring) You may have to hit up the manager, though,…as when I went up to the counter the 2 young girls were hmmm’ing & huh’ing……thought they’d say no….not sure who actually GOT the ring…..but they giggled & said to each other, after I explained the ring means nothing to me,…they told each other …”yeah, we’ll take it…if the ring is not worth the $29 of the Family Meal (or so?) we’ll eat the cost between ourselves.”……I think b/c there were TWO of them, they discussed it briefly between themselves, & thought …what the heck” I really like getting these sorts of stories. I cracked up when I read this one and it helps validate my position that I’m not insane for using my ex’s dress in a bunch of strange ways. Feel free to e-mail me at myexwifesweddingdress@gmail.com.
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Dress Use #9: Dental FlossMy kids’ questions have to be one of the toughest aspects of my divorce. I have a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old son and they are very different. It is my boy that asks me all the tough questions. He has a need to understand why things are the way they are. He has always been very inquisitive, which I think is great, but now I have my hands full trying to satisfy his need to know. “Daddy, you loved mommy for so long, why did you stop loving her?” is something he asks me regularly. Over the 10 months that their mom has been gone I don’t think a single day has passed (when my kids were in my care) that my son has not asked a question about the why of our divorce. I read a book about kids and divorce to get an idea of what to expect from them but more so to know what exactly it is one is supposed to tell a young child confused by the changes in their life. One thing the book I read stressed is that school-age children will hope for years that their parents will get back together and that it will take a long time for them to accept that it is never going to happen. Sometimes I feel cruel but when the questions come up I have no choice but to clearly explain to them that there is absolutely no chance I would reunite with their mother. It isn’t what they want to hear but it would be wrong to give them any sense of hope. I mentioned it has been 10 months since I split up with my ex-wife. My son is preparing for his First Communion and has had some classes that we have been required to attend as his parents. Yesterday during the final class my son sat between me and his mom while we were shown exactly how the service next week will take place. He was holding my hand on one side and his mom’s on the other. He made multiple attempts to try to pull our hands together and then his away so that his mom and I would be holding hands. It made me very sad to know that it is going to be a long time before he completely accepts the reality that his parents will never be together again. On another note wedding dresses do not make good dental floss.
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Divorce – The Top 10 Reasons We Do It
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I let my satellite radio subscription die. I’m not really sure why because it’s not that expensive. I regret my decision. There are ads on satellite radio but there are also loads of channels so it’s easy to jump from one to the next and avoid ads. I’m not a big fan of all the talk on the FM radio stations in the morning and all the ads. There has been one ad in particular that I found annoying for a few weeks. Fortunately it is no longer running. The funny thing is I can’t even remember what company was being promoted so I guess it wasn’t very effective. Anyhow, it was a residential construction contractor and their pitch was this . . . home remodeling causes divorce. They made a claim in the ad that home renovation and remodeling is a leading cause of divorce in the United States. Really? I don’t buy it. I’m pretty sure that if pergo or real wood is the final straw then you had some major issues before you decided to blow your divorce cash on granite counter-tops you can’t cut in half. Now that I think about it maybe it is common for the remodel to be the final nail because maybe it is something couples do as an attempt to save their marriage. A new kitchen can take a couple back to their happy place – can’t it? I don’t know, but I decided to do some research to see if I could find a top 10 list of why people divorce. Turns out there are a whole bunch of divorce top 10′s online and they aren’t all the same. I went through a number of them and picked the most common reasons among them for this top 10. Note that redecorating is not on the list although maybe it’s boredom that leads to the redecorating prior to the divorce. [ol]Lack of CommunicationInfidelityAlcohol or Substance AbuseAbuse (Mental or Physical)Financial ProblemsCultural or Religious DifferenceSexual IncompatibilityDifferences in Priorities or GoalsFamily Issues – Child Rearing or Extended Family IssuesBoredom[/ol]
A Wedding Dress On the BeachI got back from a little vacation a couple of days ago. My fiancee and I ran off to Tulum for 4 days … a little bit south of Cancun in Mexico. A lot of people freak out when you tell them you are going to travel to Mexico but Tulum is a great place to visit and I felt very safe during out entire stay. There are troubles in Mexico for sure, mostly along the border, but I believe there are areas that are still fine to visit and think that the Yucatan Peninsula is one of them. The people in Tulum that I met in our travels were all wonderful – a pleasure to be around. I decided against taking my ex-wife’s wedding dress on my vacation with my fiancee, call me romantic, but it would have come in handy quite a few times. If you are looking for ways to put a wedding dress to work on the beach these are some ideas that come to mind. A few of these I have done already: Beach BlanketBeach TowelUmbrellaHammockIce Pack (if you are the stupid white guy who gets the lobster red sunburn on his back the first day like me and then looks like a tool for his entire vacation)Fishing Net (if you don’t visit the world’s best bonefishing flats when the winds are so strong your trip gets cancelled – oh well guess I’ll have to go back)Mosquito NetOh yeah – and if you visit Tulum – get off the trendy beach and eat your meals in town. The 5 minute drive will cut your food expense in half and you will enjoy much better Mexican food.
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101 Uses For My Ex-Wife’s Wedding DressMy book made its way onto a few sites for pre-order complete with its cover image. What do you think of the cover? I think the creative minds at NAL/Penguin did a great job. It hits the shelves October 25th but is available for pre-order now at the sites linked below.
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